24 June 2014

Worst Romance Covers 2013

This week's instalment of Cover Cafe's romance cover competition is... Worst Romance Covers.
Last week we looked at the best - this week we're covering the other side of the scale.

This is the category that authors (myself included) dread being nominated for. When I get that email and my finger always hovers nervously before I can bring myself to open the cover art file. So far I've been able to breath a sigh of relief. These poor authors are less lucky...

The full list, first to tenth is on the Cover Cafe site, but here are a few to wet your appetite for... less.

In first place: 
The Search is Over

The scary trend for this year is started with this cover - computer generated people. I'm sorry but they all just look weird and plastic.

Sunny also wasn't impressed. "Ugh. These bad CGI art covers have to go. Maybe those two guys are supposed to look like giant latex dildos, and maybe her breasts are supposed to look like frozen hams (and what the heck, are they training her to mime an invisible wall?) But if this is the best you can do at drawing what I assume is supposed to be sexy romance, please give it up and turn to technical manuals or Japanese robot fetish fantasies."

Elyse: "Nothing says romance like a badly-dressed woman with oddly-shaped breasts being restrained from behind by hairless conjoined twins. Seriously, the bald guys are standing so close they MUST be joined at the hip, with only two arms between them. I'm pretty sure the right one also lacks genitalia, and nipples are doubtful. I'll keep searching, thank you very much."

Fourth place goes to:
Wild Things Lost

More plastic people, this time they're both wearing wigs, and what's with his expression he looks like he hasn't a thought in his head other than staring weirdly at her chest.

from Lynn P.: "You know how when you were little and played with your Ken and Barbie dolls -- and you would end up losing some of their clothes? And then you would just make do with what you had left? This cover is the result. He looks like a plastic doll -- particularly the area where his hips join the rest of his body. He also looks like what your Ken doll looked like when you decided to play beauty shop and cut his hair. She is a little bit better but still looks like a plastic doll. His stare is also really creepy."

Robin B. was rendered speechless: "I have no words...."
In ninth place:
Sweet Delight

Which really isn't much of a sweet delight. I like most of the commenter's can't get past the fake tattoo - in fact it's so bad I didn't even immediately realise it was a tattoo.

Cover Cafe's Mary Lynne: "Ah, the higher glories of the Worst category. How can I choose? Should I opt for the amateurism ofEntangled? The overly busy bodies on Perfect Mate andRetribution? The creepy android-like people of The Search is Over, On Thin Ice, and Lost? The use and abuse of babies and dogs on Baby Papers and Animal Attraction? The eerie shininess of the man's body on Desperately Seeking Fireman? They are all pretty awful. But there is just so much wrong onSweet Delight. There's the way the man's body proportions don't quite work--that torso looks a bit too Photoshopped. There's that godawful paw that's just slapped on the image. But let's face it. The guy's wearing a Speedo. In today's day and age, that earns you the worst label no matter what

In case you've forgotten, here's the winner and runner up from last year (last year's list). While there are some shockers this year - the CGI especially - I almost feel that last year was worse. So, that's got to be good hasn't it...

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