Take bras off

Following on from last weeks education lesson on how to get your sports bra on, I thought this was an appropriate follow-up... how to get the bra off. Only this time I thought it would be fun ot do it from a male point of view. So gentlemen you want to know how to get a ladies bra of in the smoothest, most suave way possible, then the video below is all for you. full step by step instructions here ... what I want to know is how guys manged before the internet :)

Sports Bra

This totally cracked me up. For anyone who has ever tried in the small confines of a store dressing room to put on sport bra... or if you've reached the stage where you can look at sport bra without fear, think back to your first time, and read on....

Instructions: How to put on a sports bra

1. Approach the sports bra with confidence, secure in the belief that you will wear it.

2. Holding the sports bra open by its bottom edge, peer into it and locate the medium-sized opening in the center of the cavity. This is your target.

3. Take a moment to ask yourself the following questions:

A. Am I naked from the waist up?

B. Have I removed my glasses?

If the answer to either is "no," make the necessary adjustments and return to Step 1.

4. Snake your right arm through the right armhole as far as it will go. Repeat for left arm and left armhole.

5. Assume power stance: feet shoulder-width apart and knees slightly bent. Hook your thumbs into the sports bra's bottom-edge elastic and pull it out in front of you as far as possible. (Note: do not let go.)

6. In one, deft motion, pull the elastic toward you and over your head. If you have martial arts training, this would be the time to release your battle cry, or kiai.

7. You should now be standing with arms pointing skyward, the sports bra encircling you at chin level, binding your biceps to your ears.

8. Remain calm. Visualize yourself wearing the sports bra while engaged in a pleasant activity, such as not watching Jersey Shore.

9. Cross your arms in front of your face, grasp the bottom of the sports bra and begin tugging it down to your chest. This process should take 2-25 minutes and can be streamlined by the removal of one of your arms (advanced yoga practitioners only).

10. If you have followed steps 1-9 correctly, the sports bra is now strapped across the rise of your bosom, compressing the breasts downward to the point that you can see your pulse in your areolas.

11. Resume power stance (see Step 5). Holding firmly to the bottom edge of the sports bra, pull it away from your body in a downward arc until it grazes your kneecaps. Then, with a scraping motion, drag the sports bra upward along the front of your body, capturing all excess flesh in its path.

12. When the bottom elastic reaches the desired altitude on your rib cage, release it. Then, while holding the top of the sports bra away from your body with one hand, plunge the other hand into the sports bra to distribute and align its contents, which should include both of your breasts.

Note: If you are unable to locate two (2) breasts in the sports bra, do not become alarmed as they are likely nearby. Remove the sports bra (see "How to Take Off a Sports Bra") and return to Step 1 of these instructions.

Patent the kiss

Officially Sealing It with a Kiss – Harlequin Files Patent Application for the Essential Romantic Kiss to Encourage More Kissing this Valentine’s Day.

Harlequin, the global leader in series romance and one of the world’s leading publishers of reading entertainment for women, announced today it has submitted a patent application (61438360) for the “Essentail Romantic Kiss” to the United States Patent and Trademark Office (Patent Pending).
The patent applied for by the HOPK outlines a basic method by which two people can reciprocate their romantic feelings toward one another in a manner that deepens attachment, provides pleasure and promotes physical and emotional well-being – The Essential Romantic Kiss.

--Well they didn't really, but they had a bit of fun with the idea for Valentine's Day. They also have a fun app to play with, "interactive kissing" here you can create your own kiss, or explore the gallery of kisses created by others

Valentine's Day

So, I didn't post about Valentine's Day last week. What does that say? A romance author forgetting the day meant to celebrate love... Shocking :)
I think my biggest problem with Valentine's Day is the obligatory nature of it. Gifts received are not because someone just happened to be thinking of you, but because they knew they had to get you something. Nonetheless it is nice ot know there is a day set aside in our busy schedules to spend time with a loved one.
Here's a few interesting "facts" about Valentine's Day (I'm going to have to keep that in quotes because I can't verify any of these, they are just fun facts from the internet font):
- Women by 85% of Valentine's Day cards, but men buy 73% of the flowers.
- In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be. They would wear these names on their sleeves for one week. To wear your heart on your sleeve now means that it is easy for other people to know how you are feeling.
- If you see a squirrel on Valentine's Day, you will marry a cheapskate who will hoard all your money.
- If you see a goldfinch on Valentine's Day, you will marry a millionaire.
- If you see a robin on Valentine's Day, you will marry a crime fighter
- If you see a flock of doves on Valentine's Day, you will have a happy, peaceful marriage. (probably explains why some people release doves on their wedding day).
- The ancient Romans celebrated the Feast of Lupercalia on February 14th in honor of Juno, the queen of the Roman gods and goddesses. Juno was also the goddess of women and marriage.
- About 3% of pet owners will give Valentine's Day gifts to their pets.
- Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine's Day around 498 A.D.

Enough fun facts. Just remember, just because this week is not Valentine's doesn't mean you can't do something special for someone you love. :)

Pictures to tell a story

Sometimes pictures tell a great little story all on their own...

Lighter Fun

Men try to understand women by reading romance...

Sorry I've been dumped back to dial up speed this week so I'm going to try to keep it quite short.

Over the years I've heard a few men say they should try reading romance, it might help them understand women. Here's a little article about some men who did. A recently engaged writer hopes to be the best husband possible and decides to read the book on his fiance’s nightstand with a few of his friends in order to gain some insight. ...

“Spontaneity, I think it’s a big thing,” The Executive said. “Malcolm’s always doing things like grabbing her breasts, fixing bikes, punching guys’ faces.”

It seemed we were onto something. I scribbled “spontaneity” on my notepad, and we dug deeper. We read some sex scenes aloud. The Jock reached for carrots and dip. ...

It's worth reading the article just for the punch line. Enjoy your week :)

Libraries

On January 20th author Philip Pullman spoke in defense of libraries. (Many of the libraries in his area are likely to close due to budget cuts).

I too, have always loved libraries. Loved them enough, in fact, that I worked as a librarian for a while. I love the magic of disappearing into other worlds. Growing up the library was the place that had all the doors, hidden between the pages of books just waiting for me to find them.

For that reason I thought I would include a section of his speech (too long to put the whole thing here, so follow the link for the rest)...

Philip Pullman: "I still remember the first library ticket I ever had. It must have been about 1957. My mother took me to the public library just off Battersea Park Road and enrolled me. I was thrilled. All those books, and I was allowed to borrow whichever I wanted! And I remember some of the first books I borrowed and fell in love with: the Moomin books by Tove Jansson; a French novel for children called A Hundred Million Francs; why did I like that? Why did I read it over and over again, and borrow it many times? I don’t know. But what a gift to give a child, this chance to discover that you can love a book and the characters in it, you can become their friend and share their adventures in your own imagination.

And the secrecy of it! The blessed privacy! No-one else can get in the way, no-one else can invade it, no-one else even knows what’s going on in that wonderful space that opens up between the reader and the book. That open democratic space full of thrills, full of excitement and fear, full of astonishment, where your own emotions and ideas are given back to you clarified, magnified, purified, valued. You’re a citizen of that great democratic space that opens up between you and the book. And the body that gave it to you is the public library. Can I possibly convey the magnitude of that gift?"

I too, have always loved libraries. Loved them enough, in fact, that I worked as a librarian for a while. I love the magic of disappearing into other worlds. Growing up the library was the place that had all the doors, hidden between the pages of books just waiting for me to find them.